Welcome to the World of Gray.

Heh...

2009-08-20T17:37:15Z

"Hey, remember that day I left you dropping your pants around your ankles begging me to come back? Yeah, that was a great dress.."

She lives!

2009-07-30T15:46:02Z

Greetings LJ people! Long, long, long time no see.

Work keeps me busy and fairly well away from the computer. Makes me feel even more out of touch than I did before but things are still going well. I'm thankful and happy to have a job that for the most part I really enjoy working with people I like. In that regard I'm very lucky so I'll take it.

In other news:

- Last month Clif planned a surprise honeymoon for us that, to put it nicely, fell through. The short of it is we got screwed by a Passport expedite company and had to frantically cancel our trip at the hour we were supposed to be arriving at the airport for our flight. We're out a chunk of money and are starting down the road towards small claims court. I'm not looking forward to this trip and have an eye out for any lawyer type who might be willing to give us some advice as we attempt to recover our losses.

- Clif is still working from home and it terrifies me. Trying to juggle support of his dream and mind-crippling fear and anxiety is tricky. To add to our frustrations his best friend and business partner left all of us high and dry and is continuing to drive his life into the ground in favor of doing gracious only knows what with my cousin whom he met and started dating at our wedding. I was so infuriated by the circumstances Clif and I had been put and strung along in I actually told said friend that I wished we'd eloped and never had our wedding because then he would have never met my cousin in the first place. Clif has had to make the difficult decision to sever business ties and move on without him because his inability to be productive in most regards drags us down with him and we're already fighting to keep our heads above water without the extra weight.

- We've hired our dear friend Robert to help us whip our severely neglected yard and gardens into shape. It's going to take some time and labor to get things cleaned up but we are very excited to be working towards a yard we can be proud of. We are also saving up and hoping to install a concrete paver patio over our existing slate disaster but are still shopping for the best installation estimate we can find.

- Lately I've been feeling the Mommy Urges more and more though we won't be even remotely close to pursuing that road for years to come. Still strange to have those desires bubbling to the surface.

- Jed came back from the Appalaichan Trail a few weeks ago. No injury or illness, he just got sick of walking and wasn't enjoying it as much. He got some amazing pictures, lost a lot of weight and is planning on moving back in to rent half of our basement next week. We have established that this time around he'll use the downstairs entrance so the two floors really function as separate apartments (Clif and I got spoiled and want to continue to have our married couple time) though we are beyond thrilled to have him back. The rec room portion of the basement that will remain ours is going to be converted into dance studio and business space in the hopes that Clif and I can continue to seek ways of bringing in some extra income.

- After years of watching, dreaming, wishing and never thinking it would happen I have become an official student of capoeira. I've wanted to learn a martial art for years but never could narrow it down to one that really spoke to me until a few years ago when I learned about this Afro/Brazillian dance-based defense art. After learning a couple of moves from a friend and then albassoon finding a school just 5 minutes from my office I decided to give it a shot. I was hooked after my first trial class and signed a year contract at my second. In order to afford capoeira tuition I have cut out a lot of money suckers like getting manicures and pedicures, eating out and shopping. I think in the long run I end up saving more money because I'm watching pennies a lot closer. I make my own meals and if Clif and I do eat out it is with much less freqency and at cheaper places where our goal is to split an entree. All said and done even though it was scary to make this financial committment it was for something I so badly wanted and in the long run will help me adopt a healthier life style. Clif even said he'd help me practice at home!

Spaz-tacular Updatage

2009-04-08T14:02:18Z

Loving my job! I am sad for the loss of float-around-the-internet time but everything has a trade off. Great people, I feel comfortable with the work, things are pretty good. Can't argue with my last paycheck, either...

Bunch of stresses going on but that's nothing new.

Jed, our beloved basement monkey, moved out at the end of March to pursue his dream of through-hiking the Appalaichan Trail. As this is a committed 6-month (give or take) endeavor for him it leaves us with the need to find someone to rent all or part of our basement. A crucial need especially given Clif is working exclusively from home on our company (The Center for Wilderness Safety) and therefore our income isn't as stable as would be comfortable. So far, however, we've had zero hits despite repeated posts on Craigs List, Rommates.com, a military housing site, listing it through our realtor and word of mouth.

Our most hopeful solution comes in the form of our close friend and my cousin. They are heavily considering moving to the NOVA area for a change of scenery and to give their potential relationship a chance. He would rent half of our basement and we would look into options for a place her to put tentative roots down while she builds a client base for her self-owned house cleaning service. He, however, won't make the move if she doesn't since he doesn't want to put even more distance between them (he's in PA, she's in OH). Ticky situations abound. If they decide not to make the move we are back in the position of desperately needing someone to rent half or all of our basement.

In the meantime Clif and I have been enjoying living together, just the two of us, for the first time since we met. We loved having Jed live with us and have no issue sharing our house but it is pretty awesome to be able to walk around naked without fear of frightening someone.

Also in the meantime we've moved forward with working on making improvements to a basement in need of some love. Last night we painted the downstairs bedroom and McGivered a new light fixture. I'm also looking forward to working with someone to build a bookshelf/window seat unit I've been dreaming of since we bought the house. All of these make this room a far cry from the dank, filthy, eye sore and health hazard it was when we found it. The carpet was in such bad shape you could see the voids where the furniture had been and it reeked of animal urine though we'd been told no pets had lived there. Scary!

In other news Clif's mother landed herself in the hospital for fluid build up around her heart and lungs, an issue that could have resulted in her death if she'd waited just one more day to go for help. She is now doing much better on medication and staying on them after being reprimanded for coming off of them too early resulting in a relapse. My sister had a poorly timed kidney stone that passed with just enough time for them to catch a later flight the day they were going out of town to Mexico for vacation. Our friend Shiva has had to cancel her two week trip to Europe due to an ankle sprain and bone spur. The biopsy results of a skin issue that had been causing me great concern (my family has a history of skin cancer) came back benign and the excise location is healing nicely.

Well, I think that about sums up the spaz-tacular update.

If anyone knows or hears of someone who:

A) would have interest in cleaning service for their home
B) would be interested in looking a basement rental space at a bargain price

Feel free to send them my way. :)

Prayer for the Dying

2009-03-20T13:13:00Z

Every now and then I’m overcome with random waves of memories that bring with them a shadow of feelings and emotions that were felt back when.

Just now I was listening to Prayer for the Dying by Seal and almost like a movie montage I saw flashes of when I was in high school and how I would sit in my room, strung with strands of white and blue Christmas lights, listening to my all-time favorite Seal album. More so in those days I was very prone to only liking one or two songs on a cd but there were a few exceptions, Seal being one, and I could listen to that album on repeat for hours on end and never get sick of it. I would lie on my bed, look at the ceiling and the world would fall away to sound of that cd.

The peaceful, serene feelings that album (mixed with those ridiculous lights and often a burning stick of incense) brought were some of my favorite, most treasured times in those years. So much so the impact of that music, those particular songs, still influences me today. I can almost smell the incense and see the blue, twinkling glow that made up my little piece of heaven.

So, my question to you, friends, is what moves you? What moments in your past, no matter how small, helped define the pieces of who you are today?

Woo!

2009-02-17T20:52:04Z

Are you ready for this crazy?

*Jed has put in his two weeks notice at work and is 80% or more sure he's ready to finally hike the AT, something he's been talking about doing for a while now.

This is both awesome and sad. Awesome that he's finally going to get around to doing something crazy great like that and get the once-in-a-lifetime experience but really sad because we love him and will miss him greatly.

This also means we'll need a new basement-renter(s). In order for that to happen, however, the following needs to occur:

1) Move junk from Amy's/"move-in" room to living room, rendering the living room temporarily unusable. Prime, paint and choose location for sleeper sofa thus dictating the design of the rest of the room. (done)
2) Move Amy's office stuff from her closet corner in Clif's office to her office. Decorate and organize to complete guest room/office combo space, a mere year after moving in. (mostly done)
3) Move dog crate and things from sun room and "frequently needed" items (such as first aid gear and things that we need access to more than once or twice a year) from basement storage room to the newly vacated closet space in Clif's office. (work in progress)
4) Take vacated items from Amy's/"move-in" room that are currently taking over the living room to the basement storage room. Buy and install key-locking door knob. Install key-locking door knob, the right way, at the top of the stairs to the basement while the necessary tools are already out.
5) Sell double papasan frame and rolling 3-shelf tea cart and move the rest of Clif's belongings out of the the sun room to his office and/or the basement storage room. Finish cleaning, hang mirrors for Amy's dance space and call the sun room done. (work in progress)
6) While moving nearly every belonging we have from one location to another go through it and make a whole lot of trash/things to sell and/or give away. (eternal work in progress)
7) Get electrician to look at the west-wall outdoor motion sensor light to find out why it doesn't work and fix for new potential basement-renter(s). Consider also making a mini interior fence in the yard so when potential renters come in and out of the back yard they don't accidentally (or intentionally) let out or have to deal with dogs if they are in the yard. Also fence off tree mound that Teva uses to jump the fence, hopefully preventing Amy from findng her, after being out most likely all night, eating an unidentifiable bone in the neighbor's front yard without her collar again.
8) Make our front porch look less like it's visiting from a trailer park.
9) Get the manly men to actually clean up the downstairs patio and make a nice entrance for potential basement-renter(s).
10) Get entire basement ready for basement-renter(s).
11) Find basement-renter(s).
12) Maintain sanity.

*I found Jed on roommates.com a few years ago when I needed to find a roommate and was having no luck any other way. I liked Jed the moment I met him at the door when he came to check the place out, though I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt renting to someone I met on a website. He liked the place and came back another night that week with his cat to see how our animals would get along while we ordered pizza and watched tv for a few hours. He decided to rent the room, followed Clif and me to the house to rent the basement and has become part of our family. We love him dearly and are very thankful for the amazing internet find he turned out to be!

Grrr...

2009-01-26T14:53:57Z

So, on top of this bout of depression I've been fighting with recently I get online this morning to find that an idea I had and implemented a while ago for a fun WoW event has not only been "borrowed" (re: it's my idea with a different name and location) but done so by someone I can't stand. Fun! Granted it was my fault for taking so long to get back to hosting said event but I've been wanting/meaning to for a months and now feel I can't because it will be seen as either me trying to copy HER or seen as some form of competition and I'm not. going. there.

What's even better? I'm going to get shit for being upset about it. People I call friends will roll their eyes and think I'm some horrible person. I hope I'm wrong and would like to think that they wouldn't do that, but past experience and nerves don't give me as much confidence in that hope as I'd like. Now, if it were someone we all mutually disliked then let freedom of speech and opinion reign, but since I am one of the minority that dislikes this person my opinions only serve to get me in trouble and so expressing them is NOT an option. Frankly I think I'm entitled to feel the way I feel about this person especially since I go out of my way to ignore her and share space with her peacefully when necessary and it frustrates me that I keep getting told to suck it up. I've made as much peace with what happened with her as I can and behave with far more civility than most people would yet I still seem to be in the wrong.

There are a lot of things going on in life at the moment that are completely overwhelming me and that just makes all this "little stuff" that much more maginfied. In the grand scheme of life having this person steal an idea from me when I wasn't doing anything active with it is little and my own fault but I won't feel bad for admitting it hurts me.

I think what sucks the most about this morning is I looked through a list of people I've known and called friends for 2, 3, 4+ years and didn't see a single one I felt I could talk to about how I was feeling, even if just so I could vent. That was the kick in the ribs.

And here I will stop because the urge to try to jusitfy my feelings or explain that I know they might be on the "strong" side in my own fricking journal to avoid judgement and losing friends is ridiculous and I'm not going to filter my thoughts in a place I should feel no guilt for expressing them freely.

Emotional Empowerment

2009-01-21T16:52:20Z

Crafty!

2009-01-12T16:37:57Z

Back in the day I used to stock pile on craft goodies, making sure I had things around the house I could pull out and work on in front of a good movie or tv marathon to keep my hands busy. Every now and then I just CRAVE crafts. Sadly I haven't picked up a project in years.

Just the other day I learned about this great site via this great site. Now I want to hit Michael's and hit it hard.

PJs and In-Home Movie Date Night

2009-01-09T18:39:13Z

I haven't done an honest-to-goodness update in a while and while there is still a TON OF CRAP spinning around in my head I figured I'd post a little nibblet.

Clif and I go out too much, particularly for a couple of people who need to A) lose weight and B) save money. So, me in my infinite desire to lounge around in pjs with fun food and movies, I decided to claim tonight as a Date Night to do just that.

I have no idea what movie we're going to watch, we'll either pull something off the shelf or probably Direct TV something (hey, it's still cheaper than the theater and it will have to do until our Netflix que stars kicking in). For food I'm making a Munchie Buffet of fresh veggies, beef and cream cheese roll-ups, a lemon and chive pasta I saw on Rachel Ray and fancy tater tots Hooters Style.

I'm so excited!!!

Monkey!

2009-01-09T15:37:31Z

Signs

2009-01-06T16:48:33Z

Here I am barely able to keep my eyes open at work yet I have SO MANY THINGS bouncing and flying through my head right now I kind of don't know what to do with myself. As I go to open up this tab in hopes of finding a way to break through the dam and get at least some of them written down Under Pressure comes on the radio. Coincidence? I think someone's telling me something I already know. ;)

sighs

2008-12-22T19:52:09Z

Feeling really down today, almost overly stripped and fragile. Both a frustrating and anger-inducing feeling and I'm ready for it to pass. Days I have really thin skin wear me out.

Wanted: a job

2008-12-17T15:04:07Z

I'm slowly starting the Job Search since there is a very good possibility come February I won't have one anymore.

I have great people skills and can rock the Admin. If anyone knows of anything or has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

Seeking Advice

2008-12-15T21:03:04Z

A while ago I thought about taking the EMT course through Loudoun. That though passed and I kind of forgot about it until this weekend when while talking to Dan, one of our Junior Instructors, during our Wilderness First Aid course he mentioned he was going to take it. I told him I'd thought about it but hadn't done anything yet. With a gleam in his eye he told me we should take it together. Sounds like fun, I agreed!

Today I read the web page for the Sterling volunteer department and now I'm scared.

Any of you EMT sorts have some reassuring advice for me?

Best of Craig's List, Oh How I Love Thee

2008-12-11T22:14:18Z

Even more laughter to brighten your day! Seriously, I could spend hours on this site:

The girl who took a dump in the Art Institute parking lot! - m4w
To the guy I slapped across the face in the bar... - w4m
TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w
**** TOILET FOR TWO ****
To my lovely BUS passengers
To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4w
Enabler Seeks Addict For Mutually Destructive LTR
The guy who mugged me - m4m
An Open Letter From Your Local Adult Store Clerk
Seeking a sexual tyrannosaur for a romp in the park - w4m
you: Prius guy; me: not a hooker (redhead in purple fishnets) - w4m
Light house cleaning needed
Ingrown Pubes Totally Rule
Panties, size 8-10
Tina, The Telemarketer Who Called Me Last Night - m4w
to the perv who groped me on my way home - w4m
Manly Bike for Sale

Sweet Deserves

2008-12-11T14:37:59Z

This video so eloquently and perfectly illustrates what I wish to do to people who are self-centered, disrespectful jackholes. Yeah, you know who they are...

Geekily Adorable

2008-12-10T19:04:19Z

You know how in the summer when you can get a peach at the peak of perfection how the smell and feel of it kind of makes you want to roll it all over your body because it's so scrumptions? Yeah, that's kind of how I feel about Eric Hutchinson though I am concerned trying to roll him all over my body would most likely end in a divorce and restraining order. >.<

Whoa Weekend!

2008-12-08T18:40:05Z

You know, for as much as I sit around at work leafing through my 30+ Firefox tabs looking for things to keep my entertained during the day you might THINK I would update more often than I do. Especially given I find myself motivated by the fun ramblings of dooce.com (I believe that's a big fat thanks to

camperamy for introducing me to that one).

I've found for the past couple of years my birthday has changed from being exciting to making me feel old and not something to generally look forward to. Thanks to my amazing, thoughtful, creative husband the past two have been the complete opposite of what I fear they will be: lame and forgotten. This weekend was full of so much awesomeness and win I have to break it down by day so I don't flood people's feeds.

Here's the story of how I'm one of the luckiest girls on earth:

Friday
Happy birthday to me! My day begins with plans to go to the Social Security office. >.< Not exactly at the top of my list of fun activities but it was my only real opportunity to get there to do some name change shennanigans. I conviced Clif to come with me since we had other places we needed to be in timely fashions later in the afternoon and I had no idea how long I'd be stuck in line. About an hour in line wasn't as bad as it could have been but we got a late starts so the rest of our day was a little bit frazzled in the schedule-keeping department.

After the SS office we had plenty of time for lunch. Clif said he'd found the place we were going to eat while I was changing my name and surprised me with a trip to.... Hooters. It's Manassas, whatcha gonna do? Lunch was tasty enough and, as expected, the atmosphere was visually pleasing. At the end of our meal the waitress asked if I wanted the girls to sing for me. Figuring I birthdays at Hooters wouldn't be a common thing I said sure. Little did I know that agreement would end in a balloon strung through a coffee filter and tied to my head.

After lunch we boogied out to the country past Leesburg to cut down a Christmas tree for Clif's co-workers to decorate at Eastern Mountain Sports. I've never been to a tree farm and actually quite enjoyed the experience. Enough that maybe, MAYBE I will give in and think about getting one next year.

The tree farm took a little longer than we thought and made us a little late to meet up with a girl I know through urban exploring who I was giving my old vet tech books to. She later said she didn't know it was my birthday and would have made me a gift in exchange, but knowing my books are going to a good home and will be used was gift enough for me.

Back to EMS to deliver the tree then it was off again to Benihana's. It had been years since I'd been to a Japanese steakhouse and we'd been wanting to try this place for a while, a birthday seemed like as good a time as any to go there. Jed and Shiva met up with us and we had a tasty evening.

The kicker for the day happened after dinner... we got home and I found the front door was unlocked when I went to open it, a nearly unforgivable error in my books for a whole textbook's worth of reasons. I turned to give the guys a look of death since one of them must have been the one to leave it unlocked and opened the door. The first thing I saw was a silhouette of someone sitting on our couch. Rest assured given the fact I thought our front door had been unlocked and open to the world for who knows how long, my heart about stopped thinking some stranger was camped out in our living room...

Surprise!

My whole family was there! Clif had planned a surprise party for me, something I've wanted for YEARS and it was awesome. There was a spread of finger food, a gigantic cake and nephews and nieces playing Wii. Though late for most of the clan and a relatively short gathering it was the cherry to a birthday sundae of perfect awesomeness.

Saturday
Clif and I had to get up early by our usual Saturday sleep in standards to get ready for a brunch bartending gig in Old Town for the Scottish March. Though relatively uneventful 2.5 hours of cleaning and running dishes wears me OUT! Afterwards I was feeling particularly crappy with the aching joints, back that felt like it was going to jump out and crawl away and a splitting headache. Not to mention feeling bad for initially forgetting we had dinner plans that night with Frances and alliecatpurrrrr, then feeling worse for not wanting to follow through. I ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the car while Clif ran errands on our way home which proved to be exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries to finish out the day.

Dinner was at another Japanese steakhouse. Funny that I've been wanting to go to one for years since my last visit when I was in high school sometime and here was my second night at one in a row. The place we went to Saturday night was much better than Benihana's and they gave me free cake with a candle for my birthday.

Clif and I ended up dragging ourselves home and passed the hell out.

Sunday
Ah, our chance to sleep in a bit and recover from the craziness of the past two days. Go figure I had to start waking up before my alarm went off and think to myself how this was the last day of the weekend after my birthday (little history: I always wanted to decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving but was never allowed to until after my birthday, one of the first "traditions" to be abandoned and re-established as soon as I got my own place) and how if we didn't at least start decorating today we would lose that much more tree time. I jumped out of bed and got started on a whirlwind of cleaning/organizing/decorating that ended up leaving me more tired and worn out than the previous two days combined.

I moved boxes so we could move furniture so we could move more furniture to make room for more boxes. >.< We cleaned, dusted, vaccumed, finished projects, added projects and ran around like crazy people ALL DAY LONG! Finally by late afternoon I was able to start putting up the tree.

Clif and alliecatpurrrrr went out for a bartending gig (I owe her a ton for saving me from going! I needed the break). They got finished early which left us time to watch A Muppet Christmas Carol. Clif had never seen it despite his adoration for all things Muppets and I bought it for him last year though we never got around to watching it. Throughout the movie he would put an ornament or 3 on the tree while I watched, exhausted and sprawled in our comfy oversized armchair.

At around midnight I wasn't sure who or where I was anymore and poured myself into bed.

All in all it was a weekend of awesomeness.

Cute...

2008-11-21T19:34:05Z

Even though lettuce is comprised of leaves, it's cute that when asking for shredded lettuce on your salad you called them such. I thank you for that smile.

To my four-legged children:

2008-11-20T19:03:07Z

Laundry hamper diving so you can crotch-munch my unmentionables is not ok.

Memories

2008-11-06T15:31:32Z

- When I was a wee tyke of 3 or 4 I had a chocolate colored dog with dark chocolate covered ears that I would pretend to rescue from being lost in the harsh, cold snow as I fell asleep at night. I named her Chickalena. I have no idea where that name came from but to me it made perfect sense and years later I would be surprised and oddly moved to hear my sister say how impressed she was at my young creativity in coming up with such a name.

- I missed the bus, well, quite a few times throughout my school years, an action that always left my mom threatening to make me walk to school next time it happened. When I was in elementary school, somewhere in the 1-2 grade range, she made good on that and I found myself walking 4 blocks to school. Mom helped me cross the big, busy, dangerous street we lived on but I was on my own from there. I trudged along until I got to the street my school was on. This was quite a situation since it was so ingrained in my head that I was NOT allowed to cross the street without holding the hand of an adult.

There I was, terrified, late and lacking an adult hand to get me across the street and starting to cry because I didn't know what to do about it. Suddenly a black sedan came along the road and stopped, an action that scared me even more than having to cross the street. A man in a business suit with a dress over coat and leather gloves got out of the car and came up to me at the corner. I don't remember if he said anything but I remember almost panicking finding myself being caught between two situations I'd been thoroughly taught not to ever be in; don't cross the road by yourself and don't talk to strangers. Getting to school won out as the man offered his hand to me and walked me across the street so I could get to school.

Thinking about that story I realize I've gotten to the age and we've come to a time where I start using the phrase "Back in the good old days..."

- When I was, oh, let's say a sophmore in high school I went with my youth group to see Aerosmith. I remember loving the songs though not knowing them as well as I do now and being thrilled to be at the show. Even more I remember trying to desperately to hide the fact I couldn't tear my eyes away from my best friend and first love as he rocked and sang the words...

"Tell me how it is that you can sleep, in the night, without thinking you've lost everything to the toss of the diiiiiiiiiiiiice!"

Particularly difficult to hide given he was on my right and the stage was to my left. I think at some point I gave up trying to be sneaky about it and hoped desperately the show was far more interesting than my puppy dog stare.

Mood swingy

2008-10-29T15:51:59Z

From peaceful to rage in 2.3 seconds flat. Some of our customers I love and some make me want to STAB THEIR EYES OUT! Stupid bastards... stfu, listen to what I'm telling you and maybe we wouldn't be having this issue of you being a jackass. Just a thought.

Been a while

2008-10-29T15:35:55Z

Hello friends!!! MAN I've been slacking on the updates! I know there are a bunch of stories I wanted to share almost a month ago now but never got around to it and now the thought of recapping in that much detail seems exhausting. Instead I give you snipets:

-Married feels good.

-Updating my entire life to reflect my new name scares the bejeesus out of me, particularly since there is title change and registration of a new car and pending election involved.

-Wedding pictures are both joyous and wonderful and depressing as all crap

-Wii Fit rocks my socks

-I really, really, really, really miss exploration and friends

-Never knew how much I loved Halloween until I had a house to decorate

-I have a lot of Halloween season movies to watch in the next couple of nights

-Kind of can't wait for Thanksgiving then Christmas decorating

-Needing a good electrician and chimney sweep. Any suggestions?

-Sick dogs is NOT good times

-Sick computer isn't good times, either

-I love my husband

Other things bouncing around my head: I'm working on a separate LJ account where I will post all of my exploration shennanigans. Right now I'm trying to pin point the format I want to use for each location and will be writing the "book" in a Word document then sharing each site as a separate LJ entry. Once I have a post or two up I'll share the account name for anyone interested.

Q: $24.95

2008-10-16T16:19:38Z

A: What I paid to FILL MY TANK this morning!

Manifestations

2008-10-08T20:29:32Z

So, I've been wondering lately how it's possible that I -feel- so calm and relaxed about the impending weddingness, especially given that there is still a lot to do and I feel like I've been running myself ragged into the cold, hard ground. Then I realized that my pre-wedding stress IS there, much to my disappointment at not being the cool and collected bride, it's just presenting itself in creative fashions (/catwalk!).

For the past two weeks my brain seems to have posted an "On Vacation" sign and left my head to gather cobwebs. I stutter, can't get words out, freeze mid-sentence having completely forgotten what I had just been saying seconds before, need to have things repeated to me 3 and 4 times because though I heard sound coming out I could not for the life of me process the words and am doing a great ADHD impression with my *start a project... OOH! Look! Something shinny!* routine.

It feels rather... strange. Disconnected. Spaced out (far beyond the normal). Barely coherent, forgetful, confused, and so forth. All the while physically and externally everything feels just fine.

Now, this is not to say that I'm depressed or so stressed that overly negative things are happening. I am very excited about the wedding, I KNOW it will be beautiful and perfect, even if someone forgets the cinnamon-scented candles and our marriage after spending 3 days with our friends, family and assorted loved ones are the most things.

Still, at the end of the day, even though I do feel like I've lost my mind (quite literally) I'm rather proud at myself for how I'm keeping it together. If I manage to make sense I count myself additionally lucky. ;)

Go me!